Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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