yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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