Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
