...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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