ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
