Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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