The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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