it hurts more in the daytime
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
