tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
