I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
