So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize