I need to stop coming to work sober
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
