i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
