Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
