At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
