I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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