just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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