i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
