Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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