When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
