If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
