My nipple is on Facebook.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
