I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
