I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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