You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
