I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
