I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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