i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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