Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
