Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
