My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
