So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
