he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
