My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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