Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
