You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
