Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
