shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
