ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize