There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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