I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize