i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
