well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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