wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
