The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
God, I missed his penis.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
