I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
