I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
