i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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