I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
