After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You ruined the universe
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
