"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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