i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
