i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
