thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
