If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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