The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
