walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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