Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
