Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
