I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize