I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dignity is for republicans.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
