I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
