ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
