I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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