Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
