and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
