Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
