nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
