If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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