I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
