I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
