literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize