2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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