I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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