go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
