I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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