He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
