...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
