so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize