you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
