hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
