dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
