is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They took my balls.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
