If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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