And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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