a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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