He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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