And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
