girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
