with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
