I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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