Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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