WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have aggressive nipples.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize