it wasn't lemon gatorade
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
