This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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