My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
