At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
