Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
