4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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