she woke up with a sticky ear
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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